The fisherman, Slug, set off in his boat alone. He listened to the radio tunes of the nearest town and smoked from his pipe. Funny colors spewed from his mouth and pipe. They were the distinct colors of euphoria and were said to be good luck to the finding of fish. Slug had prepared for a two-day trip out on Cove Sea. His boat held various fishing equipment, but the most it held was his pipe smoke. Out on the sea, the man relaxed on the deck and listened to the waves hit against the bow. Other fisherman passing by mistakenly thought that Slug was lost at sea. They often interrupted him in his content state.
“This is Golian season friend! It is not safe to be out in a boat your size!”
Slug would simply giggle to himself and casually wave away the intruders. His mind was set on catching the largest fish out in the sea. The fact that it was Golian season made it all the more exciting, for the pipe smoke was said to keep them at bay. He continued floating about Cove Sea. Every so often he looked over the edge of the boat to see if fish had begun to investigate his presence. Whenever a glitter of scales would catch his eye, he would take another hit from his pipe and enjoy the smug feeling it brought to him. This time, he slept a good fifteen minutes.
He was awakened by the sound of air rushing past water. Still in his smug state, the man looked to where the sound originated from and watched. Many pods of dolphins were racing past his boat. They were in a hurry. Slug laughed to himself again and stood.
“You think you’re the only one out here looking for some fish!” He relit his pipe and felt the smugness return to his head before continuing.
“Well, there are many fish in the sea. Make sure the Golian don’t find you first.” He smiled at the
now distant splashes, the colorful smoke seeping through his teeth.
When night came, he picked up his fishing pole and stood in the middle of the ship. He prepared the bait, fixed the line with proper lures and weights. He spat into the sea and tossed his line out. The water was very deep. He blew smoke onto the line as it sank toward the bottom. Soon, the line had become perpendicular to the position of the boat. He anchored the pole and once again began to smoke from his pipe. Feeling at the top of the world. When he looked down, he noticed that the pole was slightly bending. Something was on the hook! He began to reel up his prize. The normal resistance of a fighting fish had now become an easy reel up. This confused Slug. He looked over the edge and noticed a strange glow coming from deep below. The glow was growing in brightness and size.
“Oh dear.” Was the only thing he could manage to say.
It was said that the Golian were the gods of Cove Sea. They were massive fish that lived in the deepest waters and only rose to the surface to feed. Witnesses claim that they glow and will eat anything smaller than themselves, which was mostly everything. Slug’s boat must’ve looked appetizing because the glow and size were still growing. Before he could escape, his boat was lit in a sort of spotlight. The spotlight quickly became a maw of teeth that slammed around Slug and his boat. The smoke had given the man a delectable taste, so the glow’s presence loomed around a little more, hoping for more smug fishermen, before dying down in intensity and being swallowed back by the waters of Cove Sea.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Rewrite a section from a book
The following is an rewrite for a section of a book. this was an assignment for class. The book is David Bischoff's STAR TREK THE NEXT GENERATION: GROUNDED. This is a pocket books publication, number 25 in the series.
The door slowly gave under the pressure from outside. Creases began to appear along its seams. At the sound of the doors groan, the signal of a failing barricade, Data took a step back. The muk had detected a small opening in the crease and began to pull itself through. The groan became a scream, as the doors metal was slowly pulled apart by the persistent viscous being. Data quickly scanned the room; with no other plans of escape he adjusted his phaser for combat and decided to hold his ground. The muk had made it into the room but stopped short of where Data stood. It began folding in on itself, creating complex chains and utilizing particles it had come across. Data scanned the muk and noticed that it had created a cavity of air, and at one end were two hardened sections. The muk rose and collapsed in on itself, forcing the air through the sections. In this way, the muk spoke to him.
“I have pierced your computers I have a mode of communication now if I like you are Data.”
The words came out monotone, following no sense of speech pattern, or proper enunciation, but
Data understood it otherwise. The being was formidable, and it was learning. Quickly.
At this, the muk grew into a humanoid shape, mimicking Data’s combat stance.
“Rights? I grow. I become. That is my right, and that is my way. I hunger I devour. This vessel…”
It turned its ‘head’ in a full circle, slightly distorting the sound of its voice.
“is mine. All these vessels I sense about me… The Great Metal Planet. They shall be mine as well. You are good life too. You will help me destroy the bad life.”
ORIGINAL
The door burst open.
Data stepped back. The stuff poured in like thick, dark molasses clotted with dirt and quartz. Its skin shone in the light.
It poured in, collecting into a pile before Data smelling of minerals. He adjusted his phaser and aimed.
There were no other exits from this room. He would have to make a stand here.
However, instead of roiling toward him, the clay stopped. Slowly it drew into itself, lifting up from the ground and transforming into a humanoid shape. It looked like an animated statue.
It began to speak, though guttural and monotone fashion.
“I… have… pierced your computers. I have a mode of communication now if I like you are Data…”
“That is correct. And do you have a name?”
“I am good life. I sense that you are partly good life as well…”
“I am principally inorganic in nature, if that is what you mean.”
“You seek to destroy me. Why?”
“I seek to neutralize you. You have threatened my ship. However, now that communication has been established, perhaps an understanding can be reached. The Federation I represent has a high regard for life in all its varieties.”
“I am free… I am…unfettered. The universe stands before me and my reflections-ours. Good life shall triumph and grow and nurture the Holiness. Bad life shall be extinguished. This is Truth and Wholeness. Purity shall pervade the Cosmos.”
“I do not quite understand what you’re saying, but let me explain to you that the Federation recognizes your rights as a living being.”
“Rights? I grow. I become. That is my right, and that is my way. I hunger I devour. This vessel…is mine. All these vessels I sense about me… The Great Metal Planet. They shall be mine as well. You are good life too. You will help me destroy the bad life.”
REASON FOR CHANGE
First of all, I like star trek and all that science fiction stuff very much. But when things aren’t very well explained, or when a few crucial details are amiss, the story just seems to appear as another “contract filler”. A book written just because the company needs a new story and the author, no disrespect intended, rushed his way through it. I decided to be more visual and give more explanation to this specific section. I know the original way it was written leaves room for imagination, to move the story along, but I think it is important to be descriptive when introducing a character.
The door slowly gave under the pressure from outside. Creases began to appear along its seams. At the sound of the doors groan, the signal of a failing barricade, Data took a step back. The muk had detected a small opening in the crease and began to pull itself through. The groan became a scream, as the doors metal was slowly pulled apart by the persistent viscous being. Data quickly scanned the room; with no other plans of escape he adjusted his phaser for combat and decided to hold his ground. The muk had made it into the room but stopped short of where Data stood. It began folding in on itself, creating complex chains and utilizing particles it had come across. Data scanned the muk and noticed that it had created a cavity of air, and at one end were two hardened sections. The muk rose and collapsed in on itself, forcing the air through the sections. In this way, the muk spoke to him.
“I have pierced your computers I have a mode of communication now if I like you are Data.”
The words came out monotone, following no sense of speech pattern, or proper enunciation, but
Data understood it otherwise. The being was formidable, and it was learning. Quickly.
At this, the muk grew into a humanoid shape, mimicking Data’s combat stance.
“Rights? I grow. I become. That is my right, and that is my way. I hunger I devour. This vessel…”
It turned its ‘head’ in a full circle, slightly distorting the sound of its voice.
“is mine. All these vessels I sense about me… The Great Metal Planet. They shall be mine as well. You are good life too. You will help me destroy the bad life.”
ORIGINAL
The door burst open.
Data stepped back. The stuff poured in like thick, dark molasses clotted with dirt and quartz. Its skin shone in the light.
It poured in, collecting into a pile before Data smelling of minerals. He adjusted his phaser and aimed.
There were no other exits from this room. He would have to make a stand here.
However, instead of roiling toward him, the clay stopped. Slowly it drew into itself, lifting up from the ground and transforming into a humanoid shape. It looked like an animated statue.
It began to speak, though guttural and monotone fashion.
“I… have… pierced your computers. I have a mode of communication now if I like you are Data…”
“That is correct. And do you have a name?”
“I am good life. I sense that you are partly good life as well…”
“I am principally inorganic in nature, if that is what you mean.”
“You seek to destroy me. Why?”
“I seek to neutralize you. You have threatened my ship. However, now that communication has been established, perhaps an understanding can be reached. The Federation I represent has a high regard for life in all its varieties.”
“I am free… I am…unfettered. The universe stands before me and my reflections-ours. Good life shall triumph and grow and nurture the Holiness. Bad life shall be extinguished. This is Truth and Wholeness. Purity shall pervade the Cosmos.”
“I do not quite understand what you’re saying, but let me explain to you that the Federation recognizes your rights as a living being.”
“Rights? I grow. I become. That is my right, and that is my way. I hunger I devour. This vessel…is mine. All these vessels I sense about me… The Great Metal Planet. They shall be mine as well. You are good life too. You will help me destroy the bad life.”
REASON FOR CHANGE
First of all, I like star trek and all that science fiction stuff very much. But when things aren’t very well explained, or when a few crucial details are amiss, the story just seems to appear as another “contract filler”. A book written just because the company needs a new story and the author, no disrespect intended, rushed his way through it. I decided to be more visual and give more explanation to this specific section. I know the original way it was written leaves room for imagination, to move the story along, but I think it is important to be descriptive when introducing a character.
Gone Fishin'
My fancy line had been out in this big ocean of opportunity for over an hour now. I can see the candidates down there, circling, tasting, and teasing. At the opposite end was a younger fellow with a simple toss and reel, and he was having no trouble getting the candidates to get hooked on to his offers. I buy the best lures money can buy, and this guy gets them all with pieces, not even whole but pieces, of worm. Worms? This just doesn’t make sense to me. Fish hunt by smell, taste and sight. They like things that reflect light, because it is similar to how light bounces off them. Yes, fish eat fish. They smell and taste just the same as I do, which is why I spray my lures with this green stuff. When I drop my lure down there, it should be like a noisy dinner bell to them. That’s what the guy behind the counter swears to me anyway. How the hell does a worm get into water anyway? It lives underground! And how would a fish know that is it edible? I decided to make my way to the opposite end of this body of unrelenting fish and ask the young man a question.
“Why do you use worms?” I’d say.
“Because fish eat ‘em.” He’d say.
“Well, what about this stuff?” I’d show him my lures.
“That’s too heavy and flashy.” He’d compare his to mine. His lure was, well, not a lure, simply a hook, with some lead weights and the remnants of a worm. I decided to cut my line and adopt his method of fishing. Three minutes into the new form, I caught a hefty bass with two other hooks in his jaw. The younger man laughed to himself in honest surprise and slapped my shoulder blades.
“I’ve been tryin’ to catch this beast for about a week now, see my hook in ‘em?”
Though I should’ve felt excitement and an overwhelming sense of pride, I was angered by this cath. It didn’t feel like my own catch. I took the hooks out, and put the fish in the man’s bucket.
“Hey, he is yours you know! Take him!” he sat up to switch the fish into my own bucket.
“If you give him to me, I’ll just throw him back.”
The boy had the fish out and stared at me through me sunglasses.
“Alright” he said, “Then throw him back, I got to get my things packed up. You take care now.”
I put the fish in my bucket and watched the boy leave, carrying a basket full of fish and sporting a good tan. I thought about throwing the fish back, but not without a little talk.
“Why don’t you eat my lures instead of his?” I kicked the bucket. The startled fish slammed into the sides and then slowed, aware of no enemies within it’s domain.
I continued the kicking and the question for a good twenty minutes. I could see it was growing tired.
“You hungry?” I picked up the bait spray and dumped the whole contents of it into the water. The fish didn’t react much.
Dusk was approaching. I decided to let the fish go.
I picked up the bucket and dumped everything into the water and watched the fish slowly orient itself. I thought it was dead for a moment. Then, I noticed other fish, smaller fish, had crowded around it. They looked like a welcoming party. I didn’t know I was in for such a surprise. The little fish darted toward the big fish became consuming it. The water splashed about with fish fighting over fish. The battle lasted well into night, and I had actually pulled out my torch to watch it all. Nothing seemed to be left of the big guy. I made my way home and thought about that day ever since. It was the best fishing trip I ever had.
“Why do you use worms?” I’d say.
“Because fish eat ‘em.” He’d say.
“Well, what about this stuff?” I’d show him my lures.
“That’s too heavy and flashy.” He’d compare his to mine. His lure was, well, not a lure, simply a hook, with some lead weights and the remnants of a worm. I decided to cut my line and adopt his method of fishing. Three minutes into the new form, I caught a hefty bass with two other hooks in his jaw. The younger man laughed to himself in honest surprise and slapped my shoulder blades.
“I’ve been tryin’ to catch this beast for about a week now, see my hook in ‘em?”
Though I should’ve felt excitement and an overwhelming sense of pride, I was angered by this cath. It didn’t feel like my own catch. I took the hooks out, and put the fish in the man’s bucket.
“Hey, he is yours you know! Take him!” he sat up to switch the fish into my own bucket.
“If you give him to me, I’ll just throw him back.”
The boy had the fish out and stared at me through me sunglasses.
“Alright” he said, “Then throw him back, I got to get my things packed up. You take care now.”
I put the fish in my bucket and watched the boy leave, carrying a basket full of fish and sporting a good tan. I thought about throwing the fish back, but not without a little talk.
“Why don’t you eat my lures instead of his?” I kicked the bucket. The startled fish slammed into the sides and then slowed, aware of no enemies within it’s domain.
I continued the kicking and the question for a good twenty minutes. I could see it was growing tired.
“You hungry?” I picked up the bait spray and dumped the whole contents of it into the water. The fish didn’t react much.
Dusk was approaching. I decided to let the fish go.
I picked up the bucket and dumped everything into the water and watched the fish slowly orient itself. I thought it was dead for a moment. Then, I noticed other fish, smaller fish, had crowded around it. They looked like a welcoming party. I didn’t know I was in for such a surprise. The little fish darted toward the big fish became consuming it. The water splashed about with fish fighting over fish. The battle lasted well into night, and I had actually pulled out my torch to watch it all. Nothing seemed to be left of the big guy. I made my way home and thought about that day ever since. It was the best fishing trip I ever had.
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